my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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