I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
