Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
