why didn't you poke me back
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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