In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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