So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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