so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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