i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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