it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
