don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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