dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize