I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize