I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
