Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
