omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
