Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
