Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
