so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
operation have a gay friend backfired
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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