i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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