There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
