sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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