wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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