You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
