I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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