it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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