fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
