I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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