quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize