i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
