im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
