I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
