Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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