Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
