I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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