Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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