Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
