Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
