My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
