Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
