I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
