i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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