Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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