i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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