Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize