Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
