The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
