i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize