Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
