didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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