I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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