Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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