Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
