I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
