so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
