Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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