I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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