Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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