she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
