it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
