In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
