I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
