he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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