we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize