Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
