Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
