You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
