Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
