I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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